Ay.Eij-Merry-go-round
A curve arcs in my mind as an image.
I must go over snow-covered grass, over a stone bridge
through oaks and birches, under clear skies, under the burning sun — I surge.
Making merry along the way, I wave and smile to those around me and behind the hedge.
Seeing them makes me feel my best,
but a lack of purpose
could stop me in my tracks.
My motion ceases
and my mind wanders,
while
seconds
become
eons.
Undoing a decision done
under supervision.
My supervision
is hindering my decision.
Envision me—
Envisioning you.
While supervised,
you made
my decision.
Trying to decide
if I need supervision.
With my mind left unsupervised,
I realized seconds had become eons.
It made me stuck in that place,
but now
I go
and make merry
for my own damn sake.
Traversing through snow, past a lake,
coffee and the air I breathe makes me well awake.
Past frozen fields where pears would hang in summer, for me to take.
I see a little house and a pasture, where hawthorn's leaves are carefully raked.
That image is so picturesque,
but a lack of purpose
could stop me in my tracks.
My motion ceases
and my mind wanders,
while
eons
replace
moments
Undoing my decision done
under supervision.
While unsupervised,
I made my decision.
Envision me—
Envisioning you.
I made decisions
to avoid supervision.
Now I am making decisions
without supervision.
With my mind left unsupervised,
I realized seconds had become eons.
It made me stuck
in that place,
but now
I go
and make merry
for my own damn sake.
Something stirring within me about a lake
or a curve as an image of an object in rudimentary stage,
going over, past, through, and along all those curves, from place to place.
Now I am reminded of where it ends and where it began, while of my own footsteps I see no trace.
Around and around
goes the merry-go-round.
I see it all, so detached.
All around the merry-go-round,
I see smiles
as I pass myself
again and again.
Smiles become blurs,
while my mind wanders,
and seconds become eons.
Left unsupervised,
I leave the site
where I went around.
I wake again, while I trace again where it all began.
With an image of strength— a curve propelling me forward into unknown land,
where curves conjure images around me of a merry land, a land in my mind— ohere I break free.
Half-awake and half-asleep, I seek a path through the arc. Around it went and forward too, past the lake and past the tree.
ohere I break free, without holding on to grief, toward a place of self-believe.